my life is a sitcom...

I'm sure many people think this as well...but sometimes I think my life is a sitcom. And now it is...

Last night as I was watching "Grey's Anatomy", I saw a preview for the pilot episode for "What About Brian"...here's the tagline:

What about Brian? Of his close-knit group of friends, everyone else has paired off, while Brian has emerged as the last bachelor standing. At 34, regardless of his run of bad luck in matters of the heart, Brian still holds out hope that one day he'll open the door and be blinded by love. However questions about his fate have been popping up more frequently in his head. The most pressing question is – and it's one that only he can answer -- could all of his problems stem from the fact that he is harboring a crush on the picture-perfect Marjorie, his best friend's girl?

Granted it is a male and his name is Brian...but come on!! Okay...so maybe not my life entirely, because of my "paired-off" friends...I'm not harboring any crushes on my best friends' guys (because they are my brothers-in-law...and while I love them...I don't love them like that). Okay...so maybe it is not exactly my life...but close? right? hmmm...just a thought.

I'm still waiting on interviews...applications are out and I've made the calls that I can...I'm really in limbo and I almost want to start a group for us limbo folks to come together and discuss our limboness...although when one of us finally is out of limbo then the rest of us will just be bitter and reject the non-limbo person. I don't think my purpose in life is to breed bitterness, so I'll just keep it to myself.

The only thing that is helping me through all of this is a litany that a friend of mine was talking about a few weeks ago. I'll post it here in case any of you need a little prayer to kick you in the butt. It was written by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930) who was the Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X.

Litany of Humilty

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

Amen.

~mitzi

one a penny, two a penny, oh wait...

So now even food can be offensive:

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=48700

Better get rid of pretzels, beer, wine, fish...because they all have religious connotations...

Funny thing...I used to make hot cross buns for my scholarship hall...opps!

~mitzi

no maryland for me...

Well, maybe it was the name or maybe it was the fact that I couldn't start until June...but I wasn't hired by the Maryland folks. I had to chuckle because they told me that I had some really great "skills" and I flashed to Napolean Dynamite.

"You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills...girls only want boyfriends who have great skills."

And I have to share this picture.

Anyhow, I guess there is something better out there for me as far as a job is concerned...I just wish I could find it!

~mitzi

name game...

So my first name is "Mitzi". Well, no it isn't. "Mitzi" is a nickname for my legal middle name. Everyone calls me "Mitzi". However, for legal purposes and also for applying for jobs I use my legal name which causes some confusion.

For example, today I called the folks in Maryland that I interviewed with a week ago to see if I was a candidate for a second interview. As the phone is ringing and the voicemail picks up...I keep tell myself..."legal name, legal name...not Mitzi"...but as soon as the beep sounds I say "Hello, this is Mitzi..." Shoot! They only know me by my legal name!! So I quickly recovered w/my legal name and apologized for using my nickname.

Well, I guess if I don't get this job over the whole name game then I didn't want it in the first place.

A word of caution to my siblings who are expecting : don't name your children two different names...please...for my future nieces and nephews sakes

~mitzi

1000 lire...

I'm not the biggest fan of my professor for my interest group politics class. He and his family use to go to St. Lawrence...and so he knows my stance on several issues and my faith. However, his family left St. Lawrence a few years back. I don't where they went, but obviously my professor has some issues with the Catholic Church. Oh well, this is his problem...not mine. But the thing that gets me is that he will always make some comment that is not that offensive about St. Lawrence and how things are run financially there and then looks straight at me as if this is how he going to get me to come over to "his" side. Nice try, buck-o!

Anyhow, this class involves several hours of reading...which I usually don't do. 50% because I don't want to and 50% because I have little respect for this professor. However, we have 10 point quizzes every other week or so. I haven't been doing spectacular on them usually an 7, 8, or 9...but I always just say...screw you, teacher. Believe me, I know it is my fault...but frankly I just don't care anymore. What's even better is when my professor is handing back the quizzes, he'll give a special reward to the top quizzes that were more than just the 10 points. One would think it would be extra credit...but for the past three quizzes it has been $1 gallon jugs of windsheild washer fluid.

Now to a regular person this might not sound like much...but to someone who uses her quarters for laundry and not to clean her car (aka me)...this is pretty nice. But still not caring for this teacher, I don't care whether I get the washer fluid or not. Or but do I now.

For some reason, I managed to fall into the category of "better than 10 points" on my last quiz. So I'm pretty excited because I'm going to get the washer fluid...but no. My arrogant professor brings out a 1000 lire note to give me. No washer fluid...just foriegn money that I'll never be able to use. Sweet. At least, I got 10 points on my quiz.

33 days until Stop Day!!

~mitzi

snow break...

And if Kansas weather couldn't do anything more this spring besides the "micro-burst" last week...today we have snow. Sweet. My spring break is awesome. Please note the large amount of sarcasm.

Yesterday, I was interviewed over the phone for a position in Maryland. It actually sound pretty cool and something that I could definitely do. Except they tell me at the end of the interview that really want the position filled right away...so that kind of puts me at the bottom of the pile since I'm not free until June 1st or so because of graduation and helping my brother fix-up his new house. Anyhow, we'll see and I'll keep everyone updated.

They did ask me this question which got me to thinking: "What motivates you?"

~mitzi

rhetoric of sports

Now granted, I knew that what I was getting into when I enrolled in COMS 560 "Rhetoric of Sports"...but then again...maybe I didn't. This class is basically 3 hours that I needed to have in order to keep my scholarships for my last semester here at KU that require me to be a "full-time student" at 12 hours.

Anyhow, the class is fairly easy. One paper so far and no mid-term or final scheduled...yet. Basically the class if for my instructor to be able to spout off anything he thinks about sports in general. Sometimes our classes are intellectual in discussion and sometimes it is a "what team is better", "what coach is better", "what player is better", "whoa did you see that play last night",. "Texas sucks", "Missouri sucks"...etc.

So with the NCAA Tournament coming up on Thursday...plus Spring Break...my teacher announces that he will be embarking on an (and I quote) "ethnographic field study on the rhetoric of sports bars...so I was thinking Henry T's. What do you all think?"

Yep, then we had a vote as to which bar we would go to for class...

Sometimes college just makes me smile...

~mitzi

jefferson's...

The local restaurant, Jefferson's, advertises "peace, love, and hot wings" and while I didn't order hot wings yesterday evening for dinner...I also did not get the peace and love that one should expect in this particular establishment.

The situation:

Myself and two of my friends were wanting a good cheeseburger and decided to head to Jefferson's for their $4.50 burger basket specials on KU game days...first mistake. Apparantely "game day" means only "game time"...fine. Mistake dos: Apparantely Jefferson's gets its food shipment on Mondays...so by Sunday evening they are out of burgers leading our server to say: "Yeah, we're out of burgers". Mistake 3: staying at Jefferson's even though they were out of burgers.

The problem:

So after my friends and I had reorder other meals to supposedly take the place of our non-existent burgers we begin to see tables around out ordering and actually recieving burgers. The couple right by us had come in after us and had recieved their burgers before we recieved our "no-burger" meals...so being nice folk, we thought, 'hey, maybe they're garden burgers?'...so we asked...nope, not a garden burger...just a regular, good old Jefferson's burger in a basket o' fries. Funny.

The resolution:

Apparantely Jefferson's doesn't like the burger-loving table of me and my friends...and therefore we do not like Jefferson's either.

Go 'hawks!!

~mitzi

sitting, waiting, wishing...

Yes, it is the title of a Jack Johnson song...but I'm using it anyway. I don't know, I guess it is just my mood right now...sitting, waiting, and wishing I knew what the heck my next "step" is suppose to be. I feel pretty jaded about life right now and that I'm just chillin' since I have no clue where I'm going. I sent out numerous applications/résumés/ cover letters and I still hear nothing back...except to just wait---"we'll contact you". Riiight. My roommate just found out that she's head to ISU for graduate school. I'm so excited for her. Another friend is headed to Houston w/ Teach for America...also very cool. And right now, I'm looking at getting a paper route again.

Okay maybe not a paper route...but looking at it? It doesn't seem that bad really.

"Why must I always be waiting on YOU!"...yeah, that's a religious YOU (aka big guy).

Don't worry, I stay right where I'm at until YOU push me where I'm suppose to go...or at least open the door.

~mitzi

whoa there...

So yesterday I was looking at my planner and realized that Spring Break is merely 10 class days away...and translating that to me: 6 class days! Whoa there...where did the semester go...and on that note where did February go? Hmmm...I guess I had better get on this job search or else.

As I'm struggling w/ life in general, there are always those things that make you smile throughout the day...Yesterday, the new director and chaplain at St. Lawrence, Fr. Steve, said Mass and 1) I'm so glad we have "director" again...it just makes things seems a little settled...2) Fr. Steve's homilies are very real in that they concise so that us laymen can figure out God's great plan for us. For example, yesterday's homily was a story about one of Fr. Steve's fellow priest friends who gave a presentation to Mother Teresa and her Missionaries of Charity. The priest had told the sisters that they "were like Jesus" in their service to the poor. Apparently, Mother Teresa took the priest aside after the presentation and told him that he was completely wrong---the sisters were not acting like Jesus, but were serving Jesus...the "poor" were "Jesus".

For some reason it just struck me. I've always known to see Jesus in others, but yesterday's homily just help me think about it more. I think so often we get completely focused on acting like Jesus ourselves, that we forget to treat others as if they were Jesus. Hmmm...does this make sense...probably not. Christian living is so complicated...especially at college when we are surrounded by distractions of every kind...including job searching. We must continue to trust in HIM to help us through. In serving others, we serve HIM. But believe me, I struggle w/ this just as much as the next guy. Just food for thought.

Another thing...Fr. Steve is pretty sarcastic. It is so great to be able to joke w/ him. 'Course, he'll probably end up being my Confessor...so I had better watch my tongue!

~mitzi

fourth day...

Well, I'm back from the retreat...and I still haven't quite figured out why God decided to have me go on SLK3...There were so many wonderful moments and so many beautiful people sharing their lives and their faith with me and the rest of the participants. So many people were praying for me during this retreat, but I still could not find the peace that I was looking for...yep, still searching.

The more I look at this past weekend. It was truly a mortification for me. To be completely reliant on others...and to trust whatever God had in store for the weekend. I have a lot of confusion in my heart...that was hit with a bit of pain this weekend. And for some reason HE had me go through it...and will prepare me for that "something better" in answering my prayers.

One thing for sure is: Somebody up there loves me...and loves you too. And basically that's all we need to know.

~mitzi

lent: day 2...

It is so weird how excited I get about Lent. It is basically like the Catholic New Year...we make resolutions to make ourselves better people of God and ultimately...we are to carry out our resolutions through the rest of our lives and not just the six weeks of Lent. Sometimes it happens and sometime we fail and have to start over again. Either way, we are continuing to grow...I'm continuing to grow.

Although, I'm a little nervous about this coming weekend. It's Koinonia and I'm trying not to go into the retreat w/ too many expectations. I am really trying to seek clarity in my life and to discern where exactly I'm suppose to be going in these next few months. I guess I'm hoping that this retreat will help me refocused and ultimately find an answer...However, the closer the retreat comes the more I realize that it will most likely be something completely different than what I expect. So I'm trying to stay open about the whole experience and trust that HE will bring me peace..."My peace I give to you"...

So while I'm still confused...life does has those little joys...beautiful weather. Who could have asked for a more glorious day yesterday for Ash Wednesday? 77 degrees...wow.

~mitzi

film quote time...

After spending yesterday and evening w/ the family...I started thinking about the film "The Family Stone". For those of you have not seen it...it definitely has many more storylines than just the "new person" entering into the family. However the main idea surrounds the whole idea of family...the "new person" (Sarah Jessica Parker's character) asks the matriarch (played by Diane Keaton),

"What's so great about you guys?"

And the response,

"Uh nothing...it's just that we're all that we've got."

I guess I just realized indeed, family is what keeps you sane. They are the ones who have known you the longest, have been there for everything whether it was the most embarassing moment or your happiest. They are always there to share good news with and cry through bad news.

I know that not everyone is blessed with wonderful biological/married into families...but sometimes a family is those few people who really make a difference in your life. For me, I'm lucky that I have truly wonderful family, that supports me even when I have no idea where I'm headed and buys me awesome karaoke CDs when my life is completely sucking.

~mitzi

out of gas...

It's funny how things in life will mimic your feelings inside. Actually, it is probably not that funny and more or less "duh! Mitzi, of course they mimic your feelings inside". Anyhow, yesterday I after taking my chances with the low-gas-light in my car...I ran out of gas. Thankfully, my gracious parents have me on their motor club card and therefore, I was able to get assistance within 40 minutes. The funny thing is that I was headed to the gas station and then to Adoration for a little Jesus time before settling in to watch the women's figure skating finals. But, I ran out of gas and so did my Jesus time while waiting for Hillcrest Wrecker to come to my rescue with a gallon of gasoline. I don't know if any of you checked out yesterday's meditation from In Conversation w/ God...but let me tell you...it certainly kicked my butt. The entire thing was how no matter what: Heaven is our goal. Therefore, whatever obstacles that are in our way of that goal...need to be pushed aside. And whatever paths lead us closer to that goal...need to be taken. Of course this means sacrifice...so I guess this is my new discernment. What do I sacrifice to bring me closer to Heaven?

Right now, I feel like I'm out of gas...and I definitely need to filled-up. I feel like I'm just watching things go by as if I'm out on some road just waiting for someone to stop and help me out...but maybe I just need to start walking.

I'm going on a retreat next weekend, but I'm a little nervous about it. It is with St. Lawrence and I've been a part of it the past two times that it has happened because it is geared towards the younger folks who are not as involved in order to welcome them into the community or Koinonia. But the team wants me to go as a participant. I know there's a reason why I'm going and retreats are always good for the soul. I guess I'm just afraid about what might happen...what will God speak to me?...and will I understand?...will I be able to follow through and do what HE asks of me?...because frankly, I'm not understanding right now...I'm out of gas. I know I shouldn't worry because ultimately...HE wants us all to happy...and all we have to do for that is to trust HIM. A friend of mine told me something along these lines...to worry not and to fear not because tomorrow brings enough worries and fears...I apologize for misquoting...but it certainly struck me.

On a positive note...the weather outside is simply beautiful. that's right...the flip-flops are coming out!!

~mitzi

confusion...

So in my last "blog" I alluded to the jumbled mess that is my life as of right now. And I'm thinking that if I have to write it down and chance that others might see it...perhaps, it will help. Maybe it'll hurt...but right now, I'll just go with it and we'll see what comes from it.

I guess the best way to describe my life right now is a standing-retreat. Let me break this down. For the past year, I have had focus. Not so much in the school/life sense, but in planning the March for Life and the Veritas Convention. And now, I realize how much those two things were attachments for me. I centered my life around those things because they brought me the sense of being needed. I used them as excuses for not doing other things---because frankly, I didn' t have time, but maybe I did. Granted, good things came out of both of these events...especially during the March. I was probably under the most stress that I had ever been...yet, I was genuinely at peace because of the people that were right beside me. I know that it was HIM that guided me through it all...for if HE brings you to it, HE will bring you through it. But it has now been a month and I'm so far away from peace---hence the standing-retreat.

Here's my attempt to explain this position: Right now I feel like I'm standing in front of a door. The door is open, but not quite enough to let me in...so I keep turning around. But then the door will begin to open more...only to swing back just as I'm putting my foot in it as if to say....(imagine Hugh Grant's character in Love Actually) "ooo, do we really want to do that?". Does this make sense? Probably not.

Anyhow, I guess I just would like to know (and yes, this is directed to the Big Guy upstairs) is when I'm suppose to start pushing on the door. What's the line? Pray as if it all depended on God, Act as if it all depended on you. I know God didn't make me someone who just sits back and lets everyone else do the work...but HE has also always given the opportunities (or an open doors) to act upon.

Basically, I'm just confused and would like an answer. Either slam the door in my face and I'll deal with it or give me the opportunity to walk through the door and I'll deal with whateve comes with that. I feel like I'm ready...but that is probably just my pride speaking.

On the other side of things, I have officially started my job search! It is actually quite interesting seeing the "real world". I went to this 'career workshop' last weekend to find out about the career of a financial advisor. Going in, I thought, "hey, this could be good"...but after leaving...I just felt sleazy. Do I really want to pursue a career that helps people who already have lots of money, get more money? ummm. Nope, I don't. So that's a no-go as far as the job search is concerned. However, I need to find a job that at least pays the bills. I can see myself working for a non-profit organization...but let's face it, that won't pay the rent.

I guess this is yet another doorway that I'm in front of. I went to a talk about balancing your apostolate with your vocation...but obviously, it isn't working for me. I feel like I need to get one taken care of before making decisions on the other one. In other words, I know that I'm suppose to be a wife and mother...and I feel that I'm ready to at least start making strides in this direction---yet, the door is swinging. And then there's my apostolate...is it in the LIFE movement because I feel like I've done a bunch w/ it in the past year...or is it something else, some other passion that I have yet to find...and when the heck is that suppose to come?---yet, another swinging door.

Oh, here's a profound thought: maybe they are both the same door! Oh, wouldn't that make life interesting...or confusing.

All right, I'm sorry for the long post...but that's all I've got for today.

~mitzi

this morning's happenings...

#1
I woke up to a surprise: SNOW! The first words I said after waking up: "No way."...Well, "WAY!" It is snowing here in where I live and I simply cannot believe it. This is indeed Kansas weather. A few days ago I was walking around in merely a hooded sweatshirt and jeans...and now I'm bundled up with a scarf, winter coat, and thick gloves. The funnies thing is that last night I turn the heat in my room down and opened the window because the thermostat in the building where I live is completely insane. Way too hot in the winter and way too cool in the summer. Oh well, I really should not complain.

#2
This quick change in the weather has once again reminded me of the metal in my leg. Almost three and half years ago, I broke my leg, had surgery, and was on crutches for eight weeks. As a souvenir from this delightful experience...I have a metal plate and 5 screws in my lower right leg along my tibia bone. I often forget about the whole thing...until the weather quickly changes and the metal in my leg either swells or contracts...good times

#3
In my room, I have candle wax "burner"...which basically just melts the wax of a candle with lighting it. So you get the aroma without the flame. In my attempt to clean up my area of the room...I knock over the "burner" allowing the melted wax to cascade down onto my loveseat. Now, the color of my loveseat is a burnt orange (attractive...I know) and the candle was "apricot" scent so...it basically matches. I am currently debating whether to leave the wax on or off. Ha. That just brought memories of the Karate Kid..."wax on, wax off"...hmmm.

#4
I went to Mass this morning. Always a good thing for the soul. My mind and heart are really jumbled right now...so I'm trying to somehow search for and maintain peace (and yes, I am reading the book "Searching for and Maintaining Peace" for the third time).

#5
For some reason, my hall purchase rice cakes...I remember having these as a treat when I was really young. Before I was in school, I would accompany my mom as she took my siblings to school. Then we would go to the local Dillions and pick up breakfast...and if I was lucky we would get rice cakes. It was our "little secret" from my siblings...but I guess they probably know now. Ha! Suckers! Anyhow, I enjoyed a chocolate rice cake this morning...and while it doesn't have really any taste and borders on cardboard...there is something about going back to childhood foods.

jack johnson

A friend of mine put together a 3-4 minute flim-clip that had the images of probably over 100 results of abortions. It was truly powerful, even though I had seen the images before in numerous pamphlets regarding the TRUTH about abortion. The thing about this particular presentation was the lyrics in the music accompanying the images. It was Jack Johnson's "Cookie Jar". I have to say that Jack Johnson is definitely one of my favorite musical artists because of his smooth melodies and profound lyrics. One stanza of his poetry from "Cookie Jar":

"It was you, it was me, it was every man
We've all got the blood on our hands
We only receive what we demand
And if we want hell then hell's what we'll have"

I guess it just made sense with the pro-LIFE movement that has surrounded my life for the past years (in particular the past few weeks). While I don't know where I'm going with my life (career fair is tomorrow! fingers crossed!)...I know I have to keep fighting this inhumanity....because truly: "we only recieve what we demand"...of course all in HIS time.

mr. sloan...

One of my high school teachers died last week. He was only 55 and I only had him for one class...but he was definitely a character and I always wondered why he chose teaching as his profession. I had him first semester senior year for first hour 20th century literature. I remember getting an A+ on my term paper for that class, even though I didn't read any of the books that I discussed in the paper...go figure. Anyhow, every Friday just before our morning class would be dismissed by the bell, Mr. Sloan would give us a tiny bit of wisdom...and each week he would do this, constantly adding on to the weeks of advice prior to that particular Friday. In the end, here's the whole deal:

"Remember, if you drive, don't drink;
and if you drink, don't drive;
if you chug, don't choke;
if you smoke, don't toke;
if you toke, don't inhale (thank you, former President Clinton!);
if you snort, don't sneeze;
if you mainline don't miss;
if you free base, don't burn;
if you do acid, stay placid;
if you cruise don't crash;
if you park, don't pet;
if you kiss, don't tell;
if you French, don't bite;
if you peck, don't hickey;
if you flirt, don't tease;
if you tease don't laugh;
and if you truly love, do not exchange bodily fluids!"
- Art Sloan

news...

I'm sure I'll post more on my pilgrimage later...but here's a taste:

http://www.6newslawrence.com/news/2006/jan/24/ku_students_travel_rightlife_rally/

LIFE...

In exactly 48 hours...I will be on a bus headed to Washington, D.C. for the March for LIFE!! There's so much to do in these next few hours...but it will all be worth it. Please keep me, my 4 leaders, and the other 120 students going with us in your thoughts and prayers!