After spending yesterday and evening w/ the family...I started thinking about the film "The Family Stone". For those of you have not seen it...it definitely has many more storylines than just the "new person" entering into the family. However the main idea surrounds the whole idea of family...the "new person" (Sarah Jessica Parker's character) asks the matriarch (played by Diane Keaton), "What's so great about you guys?"
And the response, "Uh nothing...it's just that we're all that we've got."I guess I just realized indeed, family is what keeps you sane. They are the ones who have known you the longest, have been there for everything whether it was the most embarassing moment or your happiest. They are always there to share good news with and cry through bad news. I know that not everyone is blessed with wonderful biological/married into families...but sometimes a family is those few people who really make a difference in your life. For me, I'm lucky that I have truly wonderful family, that supports me even when I have no idea where I'm headed and buys me awesome karaoke CDs when my life is completely sucking. ~mitzi
It's funny how things in life will mimic your feelings inside. Actually, it is probably not that funny and more or less "duh! Mitzi, of course they mimic your feelings inside". Anyhow, yesterday I after taking my chances with the low-gas-light in my car...I ran out of gas. Thankfully, my gracious parents have me on their motor club card and therefore, I was able to get assistance within 40 minutes. The funny thing is that I was headed to the gas station and then to Adoration for a little Jesus time before settling in to watch the women's figure skating finals. But, I ran out of gas and so did my Jesus time while waiting for Hillcrest Wrecker to come to my rescue with a gallon of gasoline. I don't know if any of you checked out yesterday's meditation from In Conversation w/ God...but let me tell you...it certainly kicked my butt. The entire thing was how no matter what: Heaven is our goal. Therefore, whatever obstacles that are in our way of that goal...need to be pushed aside. And whatever paths lead us closer to that goal...need to be taken. Of course this means sacrifice...so I guess this is my new discernment. What do I sacrifice to bring me closer to Heaven? Right now, I feel like I'm out of gas...and I definitely need to filled-up. I feel like I'm just watching things go by as if I'm out on some road just waiting for someone to stop and help me out...but maybe I just need to start walking. I'm going on a retreat next weekend, but I'm a little nervous about it. It is with St. Lawrence and I've been a part of it the past two times that it has happened because it is geared towards the younger folks who are not as involved in order to welcome them into the community or Koinonia. But the team wants me to go as a participant. I know there's a reason why I'm going and retreats are always good for the soul. I guess I'm just afraid about what might happen...what will God speak to me?...and will I understand?...will I be able to follow through and do what HE asks of me?...because frankly, I'm not understanding right now...I'm out of gas. I know I shouldn't worry because ultimately...HE wants us all to happy...and all we have to do for that is to trust HIM. A friend of mine told me something along these lines...to worry not and to fear not because tomorrow brings enough worries and fears...I apologize for misquoting...but it certainly struck me. On a positive note...the weather outside is simply beautiful. that's right...the flip-flops are coming out!!~mitzi
So in my last "blog" I alluded to the jumbled mess that is my life as of right now. And I'm thinking that if I have to write it down and chance that others might see it...perhaps, it will help. Maybe it'll hurt...but right now, I'll just go with it and we'll see what comes from it. I guess the best way to describe my life right now is a standing-retreat. Let me break this down. For the past year, I have had focus. Not so much in the school/life sense, but in planning the March for Life and the Veritas Convention. And now, I realize how much those two things were attachments for me. I centered my life around those things because they brought me the sense of being needed. I used them as excuses for not doing other things---because frankly, I didn' t have time, but maybe I did. Granted, good things came out of both of these events...especially during the March. I was probably under the most stress that I had ever been...yet, I was genuinely at peace because of the people that were right beside me. I know that it was HIM that guided me through it all...for if HE brings you to it, HE will bring you through it. But it has now been a month and I'm so far away from peace---hence the standing-retreat. Here's my attempt to explain this position: Right now I feel like I'm standing in front of a door. The door is open, but not quite enough to let me in...so I keep turning around. But then the door will begin to open more...only to swing back just as I'm putting my foot in it as if to say....(imagine Hugh Grant's character in Love Actually) "ooo, do we really want to do that?". Does this make sense? Probably not. Anyhow, I guess I just would like to know (and yes, this is directed to the Big Guy upstairs) is when I'm suppose to start pushing on the door. What's the line? Pray as if it all depended on God, Act as if it all depended on you. I know God didn't make me someone who just sits back and lets everyone else do the work...but HE has also always given the opportunities (or an open doors) to act upon. Basically, I'm just confused and would like an answer. Either slam the door in my face and I'll deal with it or give me the opportunity to walk through the door and I'll deal with whateve comes with that. I feel like I'm ready...but that is probably just my pride speaking. On the other side of things, I have officially started my job search! It is actually quite interesting seeing the "real world". I went to this 'career workshop' last weekend to find out about the career of a financial advisor. Going in, I thought, "hey, this could be good"...but after leaving...I just felt sleazy. Do I really want to pursue a career that helps people who already have lots of money, get more money? ummm. Nope, I don't. So that's a no-go as far as the job search is concerned. However, I need to find a job that at least pays the bills. I can see myself working for a non-profit organization...but let's face it, that won't pay the rent. I guess this is yet another doorway that I'm in front of. I went to a talk about balancing your apostolate with your vocation...but obviously, it isn't working for me. I feel like I need to get one taken care of before making decisions on the other one. In other words, I know that I'm suppose to be a wife and mother...and I feel that I'm ready to at least start making strides in this direction---yet, the door is swinging. And then there's my apostolate...is it in the LIFE movement because I feel like I've done a bunch w/ it in the past year...or is it something else, some other passion that I have yet to find...and when the heck is that suppose to come?---yet, another swinging door. Oh, here's a profound thought: maybe they are both the same door! Oh, wouldn't that make life interesting...or confusing. All right, I'm sorry for the long post...but that's all I've got for today. ~mitzi
#1I woke up to a surprise: SNOW! The first words I said after waking up: "No way."...Well, "WAY!" It is snowing here in where I live and I simply cannot believe it. This is indeed Kansas weather. A few days ago I was walking around in merely a hooded sweatshirt and jeans...and now I'm bundled up with a scarf, winter coat, and thick gloves. The funnies thing is that last night I turn the heat in my room down and opened the window because the thermostat in the building where I live is completely insane. Way too hot in the winter and way too cool in the summer. Oh well, I really should not complain. #2This quick change in the weather has once again reminded me of the metal in my leg. Almost three and half years ago, I broke my leg, had surgery, and was on crutches for eight weeks. As a souvenir from this delightful experience...I have a metal plate and 5 screws in my lower right leg along my tibia bone. I often forget about the whole thing...until the weather quickly changes and the metal in my leg either swells or contracts...good times#3In my room, I have candle wax "burner"...which basically just melts the wax of a candle with lighting it. So you get the aroma without the flame. In my attempt to clean up my area of the room...I knock over the "burner" allowing the melted wax to cascade down onto my loveseat. Now, the color of my loveseat is a burnt orange (attractive...I know) and the candle was "apricot" scent so...it basically matches. I am currently debating whether to leave the wax on or off. Ha. That just brought memories of the Karate Kid..."wax on, wax off"...hmmm. #4I went to Mass this morning. Always a good thing for the soul. My mind and heart are really jumbled right now...so I'm trying to somehow search for and maintain peace (and yes, I am reading the book "Searching for and Maintaining Peace" for the third time). #5For some reason, my hall purchase rice cakes...I remember having these as a treat when I was really young. Before I was in school, I would accompany my mom as she took my siblings to school. Then we would go to the local Dillions and pick up breakfast...and if I was lucky we would get rice cakes. It was our "little secret" from my siblings...but I guess they probably know now. Ha! Suckers! Anyhow, I enjoyed a chocolate rice cake this morning...and while it doesn't have really any taste and borders on cardboard...there is something about going back to childhood foods.
A friend of mine put together a 3-4 minute flim-clip that had the images of probably over 100 results of abortions. It was truly powerful, even though I had seen the images before in numerous pamphlets regarding the TRUTH about abortion. The thing about this particular presentation was the lyrics in the music accompanying the images. It was Jack Johnson's "Cookie Jar". I have to say that Jack Johnson is definitely one of my favorite musical artists because of his smooth melodies and profound lyrics. One stanza of his poetry from "Cookie Jar": "It was you, it was me, it was every man
We've all got the blood on our hands
We only receive what we demand
And if we want hell then hell's what we'll have"
I guess it just made sense with the pro-LIFE movement that has surrounded my life for the past years (in particular the past few weeks). While I don't know where I'm going with my life (career fair is tomorrow! fingers crossed!)...I know I have to keep fighting this inhumanity....because truly: "we only recieve what we demand"...of course all in HIS time.
One of my high school teachers died last week. He was only 55 and I only had him for one class...but he was definitely a character and I always wondered why he chose teaching as his profession. I had him first semester senior year for first hour 20th century literature. I remember getting an A+ on my term paper for that class, even though I didn't read any of the books that I discussed in the paper...go figure. Anyhow, every Friday just before our morning class would be dismissed by the bell, Mr. Sloan would give us a tiny bit of wisdom...and each week he would do this, constantly adding on to the weeks of advice prior to that particular Friday. In the end, here's the whole deal: "Remember, if you drive, don't drink;
and if you drink, don't drive;
if you chug, don't choke;
if you smoke, don't toke;
if you toke, don't inhale (thank you, former President Clinton!);
if you snort, don't sneeze;
if you mainline don't miss;
if you free base, don't burn;
if you do acid, stay placid;
if you cruise don't crash;
if you park, don't pet;
if you kiss, don't tell;
if you French, don't bite;
if you peck, don't hickey;
if you flirt, don't tease;
if you tease don't laugh;
and if you truly love, do not exchange bodily fluids!"
- Art Sloan
